Make YOUR Own Codpiece

  • Make Your Own Codpiece
Codpieces are no longer the reserve of ultra-fashionable men as ultra-fashionable women are sporting ornamental codpieces with a black pant or colourful codpieces worn casually with jeans. Several fashion houses launched their codpieces - this season’s must have - recently and so far four have been spotted on red carpets at premieres in Hollywood and London. Unfortunately the cost of these items is prohibitive for many – who among our readers could afford over £3.5million for a Damien Hirst, diamond encrusted number?
But don’t despair! AndAnotherThing’s Craft Correspondent (who also wrote the highly popular Make Your Own Nipple Tassels) has been looking at how to make your own codpiece. The following instructions can be followed by men and women who want to stay ahead of the fashion-sheep and sport their own bespoke codpiece.  Details continue beneath this message from our illustrious sponsor:
This article was sponsored by Wilma Proops, the infamous Agony Aunt to the stars, major and minor celebrities and "even everyday people like the readers of this article".  Find out more about the magnificent Wilma Proops:
Wilma Proops' oft quoted adage about Vibration Plate Exercise Machines:
Ten minutes every other day
Will Wobble Your Fat clean Away

  • To Make Your Own Codpiece You Will Need
* 1 woman’s thong
TIPS: Select a thong that fits well and is comfortable. Men should ensure that the thong part is not too tight and buy a thong that covers all. The best thongs for this job are made of robust, non-flimsy material – think big thong!
* 1 remnant of material
TIPS: You needn’t buy this from a fabric shop. Cut your remnant (a small piece of material about 2-3 times bigger than the front section of your thong) from old dresses, curtains or jumble sale/charity shop clothing item. The material you use should be robust.
* 1 bag of stuffing material
TIPS: You can buy stuffing from any good haberdashery shop. An alternative is to use old tights and stockings. Always wash and dry thoroughly the aforesaid and don’t just stuff in whole pairs – cut them into small pieces before ramming them in to the pouch)
* Things to Decorate Your Codpiece with:
TIPS: Beads and sequins look good as they cast shafts of light from the codpiece. If you stick on rather than sew on you can use all manner of decorative items. A friend of mine used expired vitamin pills – but please be responsible and stick them on with good quality glue. Also use foil and glittery pipe cleaners to add pizzazz. I like to use embroidery silks to decorate mine and I select the colours to contrast with the background colour.
* Other things you will need:
Good dressmaking scissors, needles and thread, strong glue.
WARNING: Ensure your glue is dry before trying on your codpiece – this is especially good advice for men making their own codpiece.
Method to Make Your Own Codpiece
* Take you remnant and cut out a triangular shape 2-3 times bigger than the triangle of the thong you are using as your codpiece base.
TIPS: The rule is the bigger the codpiece required the bigger the triangle needed. It is possible to make the triangle up to five times the size of the thong triangle but any bigger tends to look ridiculous.
* Sew the triangular remnant to the base, neatly, remembering to leave a 5cm gap to use for when you stuff your codpiece.
TIPS: The gathered edged can be neatened with a binding – this can either match or contrast with the fabric you have chosen.
* Stuff your codpiece then sew up the hole left for stuffing purposes.
TIP: Ensure your codpiece is tightly stuffed as saggy codpieces are often derided.  A derided codpiece is difficult to recover from - especially for some men - mentioning no names Alan M
* Decorate your codpiece
Let yourself go and let your creative juices flow! Add sequins, beads, embroidered stitches, using a needle and thread or (using strong glue) stick on the bits you’ve collected for decoration.
TIP: I pretend I’m on operation Dazzle when I work on decorating my codpieces – it works for me!
TIP: See the AndAnotherThing2 article about making your own nipple tassels. Make and wear a codpiece with nipple tassels to make a very bold fashion statement!!
Wilma Proops' oft quoted adage about Vibration Plate Exercise Machines:
Ten minutes every other day
Will Wobble Your Fat clean Away

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