How can I cope with the latest annoying person in my life? It seems she:
a) Lives up her own ‘arris
b) Loves herself
c) Talks for the entire British nation
d) Has had it unrealistically easy
e) Is a prize twerp
I cannot be too nasty as that might look to others as though I am (to use a phrase which I know you will not appreciate – it being a cliché) “kicking a puppy” and that would be wrong.
By the way Wilma, thanks for answering other of my problems on you excellent Problem Page/website. I particularly enjoyed Wobble Your Fat Away and can honestly say that it has changed my life! Who else would have described how they transformed themselves from a flabby couch potato into one of the most glamorous, beautiful and successful women in the whole wide world? Surely, only you my dearest Wilma Proops.
Yours in anticipation
Daphney Darts, Taunton (Somerset, UK)
Wilma Proops Replies
I’m glad you supplied me with your telephone number and that we have had the to discuss this latest pain in your buttocks. Firstly I'd like to comment that if you do learn to deal with extremely annoying people then (like Texas quarterback Colt McCoy in the image above supplied by Wikipedia) you will learn how to cope with extremely annoying situations too. Now, to return to your letter specifically.
Yes, it would appear like you were kicking a puppy and, although “kicking a puppy” is a nasty cliché it is one which expresses disgusting behaviour well. You would be wrong to proceed against Miss Uppity Arse in this manner. Instead you must proceed following another rather nasty cliché, namely: give her enough rope.
She will undoubtedly use it and you will undoubtedly come up – wait for it… yet another grimey cliché: “smelling of roses”.
From what you tell me Uppity has a drink problem and, as there is too much alcohol in her environs for her to resist she is bound to come unstuck.
Please visit my website for further about living a pure and blameless life: Wilma Proops’s Problem Page