- Welcome to the Comedy Problem Page where "many a true word is spoken in jest"
Wilma Proops Helps a Poor Woman Resist the Urge to Have Sex... or Does She?
Last week I went to stay in London. I have an ex boyfriend who lives nearby and was very tempted to call him, lure him to my hotel and instigate sex with him. I wanted to call him so much that, in the end, it seemed to hurt me physically. I really couldn't keep my mind on the work I was in London to do - so much so that it was a waste of effort.
It has been years since I've seen him but I can't get him out of my mind. I don't know why but I'm totally turned on by him. When we did have sex it was the best ever. I really didn't think sex could be as good as that. It wasn't only the sex but everything. We really seemed to make each other happy. What's he got that other men haven't? He's not even good-looking and can be a real prat at times.
We've stayed in touch, he has said he wants to come up and see me on several occasions and every year, without fail, he calls me after his works Christmas Party (when he's drunk) and almost admits he wants to start seeing me again. There have been other times too when he's called or texted me and it has been very obvious that he's not over me either.
Meanwhile he is now "seeing someone" and that is "quite sh*t" as he puts it. Meanwhile also I've dated a few men but just can't stand the thought of seeing them any more and have never desired them sexually. I'd rather be single and celibate.
Please advise me how to cope better with this situation. I have to got to London a couple of times more this year at least and I don't want my needs to get the better of me. Please help.
Katarina de Orgasmo, Birmingham (not her real name)
Cold Showers or Go For It?
Oh dear! Oh dear, oh dear, oh DEAR! What we have here, with you and that man, is a sad and ridiculous state of affairs. This is a chemical reaction which has been suppressed with a ton of snow which has acted like an ice age. You are right, he is a prat, the type who will cut his nose off to spite his face, shoot himself in the foot and accept second and even third "quite sh*t" best. He has issues. So do you.
You really need to get him out of your mind or get him out of your system. To do this you must risk complete rejection. You must call him next time you are in London, lure him to your hotel room and do the business. For all you know you might not feel the same about him when you actually meet - this may have (subconsciously) kept you both apart.
Don't be put off by studies which show that nobody talks the truth when under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol is the truth drug. Yes alcohol causes many embarrassing incidents (I know this to my own cost) but it also gives people the courage they lack to say what they think. Alcohol also unleashed desires and needs which modern people are apt to ignore. It sounds to me like this explains that man's behaviour.
If you don't do as I suggest and continue this sad and ridiculous affair you will both be damaged and perhaps never realise the potential in your lives. He'll probably become tied down in a relationship which will eventually end in disaster and his loneliness and you'll probably survive quite well as a single celibate (unless you go the second best route which I doubt).
The Best Way to Resist the Urge to Have Sex
If you decide to reject my advice, the best way to resist the urge to have sex is a cold shower.