A Client Writes:
Dear Wilma Proops,
This is an extremely delicate problem although, when it thunders it is extremely indelicate and, perhaps even violent. Indeed my problem is quite brutal in its assaults of the senses of smell and reaction to grossness. I cannot stoop to state the true nature of my problem but I ask that you, dear lady, to understand what it is. Also, if I am forced to stoop I fear I might let one off and, as I write this from Heathrow’s First Class Lounge, that would be completely disastrous.
Sir Ivor Dunanother
Wilma Proops Replies:
Become prepared as I will speak the name of your problem in a short while. Before I do that however, I will prepare you with evidence that your problem is quite common. Although, I am not suggesting that you and the others get together, I’d not enjoy having my name associated with the outcome of such a meeting, proof that you are nor alone may offer some consolation.
A friend of mine once wrote a short article on Xomba. It was entitled Cure Your Farting Problem or that of Your Partner | Fart Medicine and published in November 2008. Since its publication it has had almost 1,329 readers. This means that 1, 2 and sometimes more people have sort out the article since it was written. This suggests that they or their partners have the same problem as you.
Ivor, remember the words to the rhyme I have quoted elsewhere on my site:
Where e’re you be
Let a fart go free
To ‘twere a want of a fart
That killed poor me
and set forth your fellows. As you do, remind yourself that you are their creator. If you don’t want to be a creator anymore I suggest you look to your cabbage and bean rich diet and opt for less gaseous alternatives. Otherwise, Ivor, please shut the ***k up and never write to me again.