Why is Everybody Always Picking on Me?

Why is Everybody Always Picking on Me?

Dear Wilma,
Why can't I just keep my mouth shut and let people be? Why do I always have to stand up to bullies? Why do other people exist happily on the fence? Why do people (particularly men) feel they can order me about? Why can't I just do as I'm told?
Please help!
Katrina Narked

WILMA'S REPLY

Dear Katrina,

You think you have a problem but let me assure you, YOU DON'T! It's them that have the problem, not you. In fact, you remind me of myself!

1) Do you really want to be a boring twonk? 2) Do you really want to stay quiet and not tell people what you think? 3) Do you really want bullies (idiots and the incorrect) to go unnoticed? 4) Shall I tell you how you should answer - in the order I posed these questions?

1) NO 2) NO 3) NO 4) YES

As for sitting on the fence, allow me to quote my close friend, client and confidante Al (Sir Alan Sugar to everybody else - including his wife):

• "You sit on the fence any longer and you're gonna get an arse ache!"

Now, as for men telling you what to do. NEVER, repeat NEVER, do as they tell you to do unless it is exactly what you want to do. As a woman, it is your duty not to do as they tell you because this can lead to disaster. Look what happened to Tony Blair! Cherrie (you know the woman who looks like she's a piano stuck in her gob, the one who wrote that book about oral sex called Jaws II and was responsible for more penis amputations than I care to mention - joke) Tony Bliar's wife started to do what Tony told her after Tony became Prime Minister. I'm afraid to say and History will show that this tipped him over the edge and was the final straw, responsible for taking Blighty to war!

Katrina, Sweetheart, you can't do as you're told because you are a free spirit. So cheer up and get on with it.

By the way, can I congratulate you on your latest articles? Thanks for your permission to do so. They are simply excellent - here are the links to them for ALL my readers:

Banksy's Real Identity

Why Supremacists are NOT Supreme

Where to Buy Nike Jeans

Avoid Being a Desk Job Slob

Sexy Johnny Depp

Eminem's Bum and Balls

Don't Forget to Visit Wilma's Video Bar