PROBLEMS WITH LITTLE BROTHERS - SORTED!

WILMA PROOPS' BACKGROUND

Wilma Proops came the the attention of the world when pictures of her bare arse were plastered on the front cover of gutter-press and broadsheets alike. Our heroine had been on a desperate mission to advice David Blaine that he was a nincompoop, was unfortunately quite drunk and tripped over while on top of Blaine's Perspex box, above the River Thames in London, England. That Wilma had made it that far is surely symptomatic of her passion for advising people . . . Read more about Wilma Proop's below this blog . . .

"I'll tell you what to do with naughty little brothers and this works . . ." 
 quoting Wilma Proops


This problem needs solving for a number of my avid readers. I have chosen this letter from Disgruntled of Aberdeen as it typifies the problems many of my readers are coping with, caused by the presence of "little brothers".


A Reader Writes:


Dear Wilma,


My brother, who is 15, won't get out of bed. I wouldn't mind but he's got the computer in his room and I need to use it. When he finally get's up the room will be in a mess and have that horrible smell of teenage boys. Could you suggest how I can rememdy this situation? I've tried bribes, threats of violence and being nice to him but none of them have worked. Please help, he's driving me crazy.


Yours truly,
Disgruntled
Aberdeen


WILMA REPLIES:




Dear Disgruntled of Aderdeen


There is one avenue you could explore. Do you know what embarrasses your brother most? Who does he need to look good in front of? You'll need to know this and more if my plan is to work.


I too had a similar problem with my daughter. I waited until parents evening and arranged to meet her at the school. She was sitting in reception when I arrived. I wore my slippers, pyjamas and dressing gown. My hair was a mess, as was my makeup - which had been on since the previous day and gave that Panda eye look. The perfume I wore was Eau de Butt End Number Six. I teamed it with a comedy bag and a bottle of cheap whisky. To make matters worse I kept answering my mobile and carrying on a row, pleading with a man to come back to me - every time a teacher engaged me in conversation about my daughter's progress at school.


Needless to say, she never stayed in bed again! I'm sure you could adapt this to your own specific needs.


About the smell. There is nothing you can do about this one. Personally, if I had given birth to a boy - I would have had him adopted. Best thing you can do is buy industrial masks. Another option is to become aclimatised to the smell. I find air freshenners sometimes make that particular odour worse.


Do let me know how you decide to proceed with this.


Best wishes


Wilma Proops