WILMA PROOPS' BACKGROUND
Wilma Proops came the the attention of the world when pictures of her bare arse were plastered on the front cover of gutter-press and broadsheets alike. Our heroine had been on a desperate mission to advice David Blaine that he was a nincompoop, was unfortunately quite drunk and tripped over while on top of Blaine's Perspex box, above the River Thames in London, England. That Wilma had made it that far is surely symptomatic of her passion for advising people . . . Read more about Wilma Proop's below this blog . . .
Today readers, I tackle an old problem. Please let me know via www.Comedymoment.co.uk if you would offer any different advice.
Dear Wilma Proops,
My husband does nothing in the house, he hasn't a job either. He spends all day in the same smelly dressing gown. I have two jobs, care for our four children and run the house. I ask him to lend a hand and he says he will tomorrow but then he says "never do today what you can do tomorrow" to the children. The children are quadruplets, all boys and they look just like my husband. He never laughs at me but my sons seem to do it for him. What should I do?
Taken for Granted
(name and address withheld)
Surrey
Wilma Replies:
Dear Taken for Granted, Surrey
You will have to divorce him. Don't blame yourself though, many men turn out like this. I cannot advise on your quads other than nobody would think badly of you if you were to leave them in the hands of your smelly husband. However, I think there is money to be made out of them. Have you thought of making them into a boy band? It does strike me as the sort of gimmick that would get them noticed. You could call the band Dopplegangers - or even The Clones - but please check the spelling of dopplegangers before you have the drumkit painted or have any promotional literature produced. Cheer up, it could be worse, you should have my problems! Imagine if you were married to Bernard Matthews and had to hear him say "bootiful" every time you took your clothes off. Things could be much, much worse, I assure you
Let me know how it goes
Best wishes
Wilma Proops
Don't be so hard on her husband. Perhaps he has worn that smelly dressing gown it has taken on a life of its own and is controlling his every move. Or rather, lack of moves.
ReplyDeleteSentient clothing comes in all shapes and forms. See www.reallyheavygreatcoat.com for example :)
Dear John,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I tried to spam your site too but it didn't seem to let me. Perhaps that was because I mentioned the problem you wrote to me about. Don't worry John, I never mention the names. I would never embarrass you as that would be a negation of my duties as the world's only Comedy Agony Aunt.
Fondest
Wilma Proops,
Liverpool
England