I've gone off sex, what can I do?

HE’S GONE OFF SEX! WHAT SHOULD HE READ? Read Wilma's answer below!

Dear Mrs Proops,

I've gone off sex. No matter what I try I cannot be bothered. Obviously, it's no problem for me but my wife is threatening to leave me if I don't give her one soon. I don't like my wife (or any other woman) and I'm not attracted to men either. What should I do?

PS My wife did put Stiffen Up in my drink last week but, although I had an erection for six hours, I still didn't feel like it and the erection looked stupid when I went swimming at the local pool - so don't advise that course of action.

Yours sincerely
Malcolm, Saundersfoot


Dear Malcolm,

The thought of you and your erection at the swimming baths was hilarious. Thank you for sharing that with our readership. Let’s face it, problems like yours have mass appeal and I’m sure that most people reading this now are feeling a little embarrassed that I've rumbled them. I can't see your problem really – you don’t want sex so you don’t have sex; sorted! You should have my sexual problems! I’m more concerned for your wife, women seem to put up with a lot of crap from men.

Have you thought of joining a Holy Order? It seems to me that any Holy Order that forbids sexual relations would be ideal for you. Tell your wife that she can have sexual relations with anyone - if she isn't doing so already. Write to me and I'll send you a list of religious orders who are accepting applications and a copy of my leaflet "Can't See To Your Wife? Let Someone Else Do It For You”. The leaflet cost £50 but I’ll send you the list of religious orders for free.

Please feel free to write to me again about your sexual problems Malcolm

Yours truly,

Wilma Proops

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