From time to time I get a spate of letters asking about how to deal with immature men. I've published this article elsewhere but wanted my dear readers here to have easy access to it - so her goes!
How can you deal with immature men? This article sets out to answer this oft asked question
The first thing to remember when dealing with immature men is that they can grow up. This applies to immature men who are young and perhaps have an excuse but also to men who are in their 50s and even older. If you live, work with or are managed by an immature man, before you give up on him or (poor thing you) them, implement some of the tips to see if you can make them less immature or, even better, cure them of their immaturity.
The second thing to remember is that there are some men who will, no matter what, always be immature. That's right, they could live to be 190 and still be immature. If you try out some of the tips below and they are still immature or - please no - they become more immature, our advice is "abandon ship!"
Famous immature men
Image via Wikipedia
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH IMMATURE MEN
Immature Men Learning From Example
You can attempt to teach by example - or sort of. First of all locate a mature man. Once you have located one try and get him to befriend the immature man you are having problems with. Once and if you can accomplish this - and it's not easy - attempt to sew seeds of doubt in the immature man's mind about his immature behaviour. DON'T SAY "I wish you were like him" (the mature man). Instead be more subtle about it. Say things like "Mike (or the name of the mature man you are dealing with) is doing well for himself" or "Mike seems to be a happy/content/fulfilled man". Saying things like this might have your immature man analysing the difference between himself and "Mike". This could lead to him changing his way - fingers crossed!
Mimicry Is Not Flattery
To put this tip into play you must first isolate and identify the immature man's immature behaviours. Then you must make fun of the behaviours by mimicking it. For example if he says things that a petulant child might say, repeat them in a childlike voice. Same with things like foot stamping and sulks exaggerate these when you act them out. If you want to be more extreme carry out this tip in front of his peers. Making a fool of immature men can act as therapy for the darlings.
Reward Mature Behaviour; Punish Bad or Immature Behaviour
This tip was developed using strategies taken from leading dog trainers. This is self explanatory. When the immature man acts in an immature manner punish him. When he acts in a manner which is not immature then you must reward him. Punish by withdrawing his favourite food or bedroom activity. Reward him with his favourite food or bedroom activity.
This is a drastic move but if the man really has feelings for you it should work. A less severe form is to go away for weekends or even weeks. We could advise that this can lead to different results - for instance he could find another partner. Thing is, if he does or if you do (while you are away or on a trial separation) the relationship could not have been very stable in the first place. Thus you'd probably be better off out of it.
The article concludes below this image of a caterpillar - an immature butterfly - we both know which is the more beautiful!
Image via Wikipedia
If you disagree with the tips above or have other tips which might help those of us suffering the problems inherent with sharing lives with immature men - please add them in the comments section below.