How to Get Real

Decision Points  A Journey: My Political Life  SPEAKING FOR MYSELF A right pair of plonkers! At least Wilma Proops and Majorie Blunt can't be accused of ruining the world. George W Bush got real on the golf course "watch this drive" while Tony Blair got real by describing his sex life with Jaws aka his wife Cherie Booth QC and Crunt (pictured). Should you want to buy any of these books click on the images for details from Amazon.

How to Get Real

Exactly, how does one get real? This is the question I was discussing with my good friend Majorie Blunt recently. Does, one (to use the ridiculous language of the pompous middle class) want to (to use the terminology of 1960s hippy types) get real? Marjorie Blunt argued, in the manner of a terrier with its jaws well and truly locked on, that the quest to get real was of central importance in the lives of all and, if they didn't think so "they bloody well should".

Me, Marjorie's oldest (and obviously most informed) friend, yours truly Wilma Proops, argued that getting real was nowhere as near as important as getting laid, getting funds and getting holidays. Although I was only joking to start with, Marjorie's arrogant attitude had me polarise my opinion and stand sturdy. Who won?

We remain good friends because we have learnt to live with these spats. I watched the video footage back to see how we do this. Of course Marjorie doesn't know that I have CCTV is all my rooms - due to an ex who was good with his hands and because I want CCTV in all my rooms - and I'd rather (if you know her) you didn't let her know.

The CCTV shows to old birds (Marjorie and me) drunk as lords and banging our own drums while ignoring the drum banging of the other. I suppose Marjorie is seen getting real and getting real for Marjorie is about banging her drum. I'm banging my drum but not getting real because I don't like banging my drum and only do it when I'm drunk. I'm not real when I'm drunk. In fact, after a few I get nasty, naughty or numb but never real. Reality for me is when I'm sober. I'm seldom sober and so I seldom get real.

Stupid really... Get real on a white knuckle ride or a roller coaster!

White Knuckle Ride  Roller Coasters: A Thrill Seeker's Guide to the Ultimate Scream Machines  America's Greatest Roller Coaster Thrills: The Ultimate Scream Machines

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